Mass Effect: Seeing Double

I walked into Chora's Den like I always used to, with a hand on my pistol. Too many people had shot at me here for me to feel completely comfortable once I crossed the threshold. Still, to see him again...it was worth getting shot at. I went to the bar and waived one of the servers over.
"I'm looking for Commander Shepard."
The server—a human girl—blinked and looked at me for a moment—the scars get everyone's attention—before pointing towards one of the secluded private booths on the far side of the club.
"He's over there. He said he was expecting you."
I nodded, a smile playing across my features. It would have felt good if not for the stupid scars. There was still a lot of residual stiffness, that was supposed to subside eventually but...I wanted it gone now. It was a nuisance.
"Thank you, send over a couple beers."
The girl nodded and went back to her business as I turned from the bar and made my way through the press of bodies. The smell of places like these were always singular. Sweat, alcohol, piss, vomit and other, stranger, odors clashed to create a horrid stench. It reminded me of home. Of simpler times. Before I—we—made it off Earth. Before we gave up our freedom so that we could have a future. Before war tore us apart...before I died. So much had happened...shit. I hadn't seen him in two years. Would he even recognize me?
I pushed past the last barrier of inebriated patrons and found him sitting with his back to the wall, his pistol sitting on the table and his unsmiling blue eyes gazing at me cautiously. That gaze hurt. He didn't trust me. I guess I couldn't blame him. He didn't know if I was real or some trick. After all, he had very good reason to hate Cerebus. For all he knew, this was another of their tricks. Still, seeing him looking at me like that...fuck it hurt.
We sat there silently for a long time—or at least it seemed like a long time—neither of us willing to speak first as we tried to reconnect silently. To renew the bond we'd always shared. I remember my last moments of life, right before I died. I know it sounds insane but I swear I could feel him there, right there with me, as the last of my oxygen bled out and my lungs and body burned. I like to think that when I woke up two years later, he felt it...but maybe I'm hoping for too much.
"Your beer ma'am." an asari waitress placed two self-cooling beers on the table between us, she looked at the pair of us, silent as stone before going off. She probably wanted a tip. Tough.
I looked down at the beer and smiled, time to break the ice. "You think they finally made a decent brew?"
He looked down at his own bottle, the familiar Earth-brand all too common back home when we were kids—and technically not allowed to drink the stuff—and shrugged. "I doubt it, they haven't gotten it right yet and they're always bragging about how they've been around for centuries."
The silence fell back into place. I'd hoped that he would have continued the conversation but...well he's stubborn. I should know.
I sighed, putting the bottle back down and looking at him pleadingly. I hate pleading, but I don't know what else he wants me to do.
"What is it John? You can't be a little happy?"
"Should I be?" he asked coolly, his blue gaze meeting my green. "I don't know you."
I winced, feeling anger rise up in me. He was going to play rough? Fine.
"Fuck you." I snapped. "I should have just left your ass on Earth to rot."
A flicker of emotion showed in his eyes but it quickly vanished.
"That's the best you can do?" he asked mockingly. "Jane's worse than that."
He was right. I was worse than that, but fuck I've been dead for two years. Give a corpse a chance to warm up.
"Don't be a dick. You know as well as I do who I am."
"Do I?" he asked darkly, his hand had moved towards the pistol.
Fuck. Was I going to have to shoot him to get him to realize who I was?
"John I swear if you touch that gun I will jump over this table and break your nose."
Now the smirk I remembered appeared. "I doubt that. Only one person I know can beat me to the draw like that. She's dead."
My expression turned dangerous. Was he seriously about to—BANG—I was in the air before the shot had gone off, my fist connected with his face a moment later, I put a little more force into the hit just to get my point across. Fucking asshole, trying to shoot me.
We sat there for a moment—or rather he sat there, I was in his lap—glaring at one another angrily just like we used to when we did this same thing when we were stupid teenagers in the slums. Then he started to laugh. As always—thankfully—it was contagious and I started laughing too. I wrapped my arms around his neck and clenched my eyes shut against the tears. I never let anyone see me cry except for him...and right now he didn't deserve that, even if he was hugging me.
Eventually we disentangled ourselves and I took my seat again, ignoring the glances the other patrons were giving us. Fuck 'em. This was family business.
"Shit." he breathed, still laughing. "I guess it is you then."
"Damn right it's me fucker." I snapped at him, sipping my beer—he was right, it still tasted like shit—and glaring at him. "Who'd you think I was?"
"A ghost? A machine?" he shook his head. "Fuck Jane I don't know. You've been dead for two years...and well," his expression darkened. "Cerebus."
I nodded. "Yeah, Cerebus."
"Great." he growled, his fist clenching around his beer.
"Careful." I cautioned. "Don't break it."
He looked down at the glass and sighed. "Yeah yeah...so what did they do?"
I shook my head. "I've got no idea...they didn't go into the details...they just...remade me."
He tapped the side of his head. "All in one piece up there?"
"Definitely." I replied dubiously. "They said they wanted me as I was. No different."
"Same old Jane." he said quietly.
I nodded. "Yeah. Same old Jane."
The silence began to draw out again. I had to say something. We'd always been able to talk about everything. Even after the cluster-fuck on Akuze and my 'heroic' stand on Elysium...we could talk now dammit.
"So what happened?" we asked simultaneously.
Just like that the silence shattered and we were kids again grinning at each other after successfully ditching the cops back on Earth.
I sighed and smiled at him. "Can I go first? I want to catch up."
He nodded. "Ask away...you deserve it anyways."
I took a deep breath, so much to ask about...I guess the most obvious question came first.
"They finally promoted you?"
He snorted, shaking his head. "Yeah, because you died."
I waited patiently. He was bitter. Hurt. Angry. I wanted to hear his story before I asked anything else.
It took him a while but when he started there was no stopping him. "You remember after Akuze, that whole shit storm...after everyone died. The court-martial and all that."
I didn't say anything, waiting for him to continue. I knew this part of the story by heart—a very bitter heart—they'd let him stay in the Alliance but at a cost. While it went unspoken the name John Shepard forever had a black mark against him because of what had happened on Akuze even if it wasn't his fault. Losing your entire unit in one drop has that effect on careers. He'd been deemed un-promotable and shunted off to the sidelines while my star had continued to rise. I had always feared that he'd resented me for that, but no, he'd always been my brother first.
"Well turned out that with Commander Jane Shepard, the first human Spectre MIA and presumed dead, humanity needed a new hero. So Jane Shepard was erased from the Alliance roster, her record 'lost' and copy-pasted onto her brother."
I snorted, scowling. "So they turned you into me."
He shrugged. "Yeah, more or less. Did a damned fine job of it too. The Alliance, the Council, they were all in on it. Was bad for morale if everyone thought that you were dead so they made me into you...easy enough I suppose."
I'd heard the story from Joker and a few of the others on the Normandy but still, hearing it from my brother helped a lot. They'd destroyed his life and given him mine. Talk about a facelift.
"I'm sorry."
"Why? You got my ass promoted finally, and I'm a Spectre to boot." he laughed, though I knew he hated it inside. "I've got nothing to complain about, besides, you're alive now."
"Yeah." I murmured. "So, you still chasing Geth?"
"Nope. No more Geth to chase really. They've quieted down since your little crusade against them."
"What ship are you on?"
He smiled. "SSV Citadel."
I blinked and stared at him. "You're shitting me."
"Nope."
"Damn. They really wanted the publicity I guess...is she another Normandy-class?"
He shook his head, casting me a half-smile. "The after-action reports from her last cruise showed 'definitively'" he all but snarled the word. "That the stealth system was a failure and not worth continuing. The Citadel is a Kursk-class."
I frowned. "Kursk?"
"Yeah, new class built right after you died." he hesitated but then continued. "Really nasty little son-of-a-bitch. Heavily armed and very fast."
"Faster than the Normandy?" I asked with a smile.
His eyes lit up. "Yeah, I think so."
"I leaned forwards, taking a long swig on my beer and draining the bottle. "Want to find out?"
He mocked a severe frown. "Hazarding a vessel is a serious offense Commander Shepard."
"Why Commander Shepard." I said with an innocent air. "I would never!"
We sat there for a moment, smiling like idiots, before he sighed.
"Have you seen Anderson yet?"
My stomach sank. Did he have to bring the Captain into this?
"No."
He nodded and looked away absently. "Go see him Jane. He's worried about you...and he could use the break from Udina's pestering."
I nodded. There was a conversation I was really not looking forward to. "Hey John?"
"Yeah?"
"What happens now?"
"Well..." he looked up at the ceiling for a moment before shrugging. "You fly with Cerebus now and I fly with the Alliance...we'll try not to shoot each other I guess."
"That's not what I mean asshole." I snapped. "I mean do you keep being Commander Shepard?"
He stopped smiling. "Yes. I guess I do. At least until they decide what to do with you."
"What happens to you if they reinstate me?" I asked, a cold hard pit growing in my stomach.
He considered for a moment and then shrugged. "I guess they demote me and throw me back on latrine duty."
I winced. No, I wasn't going to let them fuck my brother over. Even if they reinstated me, he deserved the rank and the title of Commander and Spectre. I'd talk to Anderson, Udina, and the Council. They wouldn't space my brother.
His comset beeped and he keyed it in. "This is Shepard...right, I'm on my way. Tell Skinner to get the engines warmed up and ready." he killed the link and looked at me apologetically. "Duty calls."
"Right." I said, standing with him and walking through the crowd towards the exit. We stopped at the Rapid Transit station outside Chora's and stood there for a moment looking at each other.
He broke first. Leaning in and wrapping me in his monstrous arms and holding me close.
"Stay safe sis, and watch out for Cerebus. You can't trust them."
"I know." I murmured, leaning against him. Damn I wish I could just stay there like that...I hadn't been held like this in such a long time...shit I was crying again. "Don't worry, I'll watch my ass."
He released me and nodded. "Same here, let's not repeat that again."
I blinked, frowning. "Repeat what?"
He tapped his breastplate over his heart as his aircar arrived and he got in. "You weren't the only one who died two years ago."
As the hatch closed and the aircar lifted off, I felt a strange sense of peace wash over me. I knew he'd been there with me. I touched my own breast. He'd never left.